Things that I seem to be dealing with at the moment are the fear of failure, the quest to find balance between my practice and professional line of work/ extra jobs when pay is low/ university and study, my ever going confidence battle and my closed minded approach to many new concepts (especially technology).
With task 2d in mind I have taken the following questions in to account within my current daily practice;
What do you love about what you do?
What and who gets you really enthusiastic about what you do?
Who do you admire who also loves what you do?
What makes you angry or sad within your practice?
I found these questions very difficult to answer in a concise way as I could write reams and reams...(and have done in my journal) however I will mention but a few to give a basic impression for the blog.
One of the most important aspects of my practice for me, other than the performance life I have and the buzz that I recieve from an audience, is the joy and enthusiasm from young dancers that I teach in that side of my professional practice. I teach a wide range of people ranging from professionals, dance students, children, people of the community and people with learning and physical disabilities. I must admit, despite the challenge on some days, the feeling that I am making a difference to others lives is more than I could imagine in any 'normal' job. Knowing that the student's life has been and can be changed, giving them inspiration that can be hard to find in some deprived areas of the country, giving young children a 'good' path to follow makes the long days and sometimes frustrations worthwhile as a sense of perspective is given to meanial worries of my own.
I also love being inspired by other teachers and artists...there is nothing worse than having a teacher who does not believe in what they are teaching and their projectionof class, letting their bad vibes influence the dancers. Yet for me one (of many) of my fantastic teachers, who helped me over come the 'distruction' a prior lecturer gave me for Graham technique was Susan Sentler. She is a senior lecturer at Laban now, and the students who still have her for a class say how her energy never fails, her passion beams from her body and personality, to be honest I really miss her classes!! She is one of the teachers I aspire to be, afterall I feel that my technique (and attitude) have improved more than I could have hoped for with her guidance.
I think seeing improvement with my students and watchcing them grow and succeed within their projects gets me really excited to go further with them. (I can understand Susan's enthusiasm as daily she would be seeing her knowlege change and mould her dancers...as I see now!)
New challenges such as this course, and the not knowing where it could lead me is an exciting thought. Most of the time I like to plan and understand situations and the possible outcomes so I know where I may be headed...yet with BAPP as I dont know what is to happen or what I may discover about myself is actually very exciting.
Again, faultless enthusiasm can also be seen in two lovely ladies who I work with in Smallpetitklein dance co, Ruth Mills (a Glasgow based Graham teacher and performer) and Yolanda Aguilar (Spanish born, Scotland based dance learning and development manager).
Ruth's 'up for anything, i'l give it a go' attitude and never ending passion is one I strive develop and hold. She lives and breaths dance, and throws all of her energy and thoughts in to her passion. I know that I am very much like her yet I do have to detract myself sometimes as for Miss Mills, she has countless amounts of contacts, experience and awards that means she is in the driving seat of her career, turning down work as and when she feels. Being able to pick and chose potential contracts to suit myself would be amazing, yet as work is at an all time low, and as the company is back to project based tours I have had to bite the bullet and return to 'normal' work as extra to teaching and performing to stay afloat in the earnings department.
Yolanda has relit my flame and passion for teaching, she is an incredible lady with a good heart and gives her students the love and attention they deserve. Yolanda has an exceptional ability, like most, to leave all apprehensions and personal upset at the door you would never know if she was suffering as she never lets her personality within class faulter! Her tender teaching manner especially when she works with people with disabilities in beautiful to watch.
Things that I feel make me sad or angry within my profession I must admit is the lack of enthusiasm within teachers (as earlier mentioned). Also as the recession and funding cuts withing the arts, the unearthing of dance exploiters has become ever more apparant. Dancers pay can be low and few and far between at normal, yet many jobs that are on offer or opportunites that come about tend to have unpaid positions and at best expenses only. I know that when I was in training and fresh from graduation I had to get a balance of professional work for my portfolio so often took on work, quite happily, that was unpaid as a must to show my willingness and passion. That is what I do think is the problem, many companies will only offer auditions to those graduates who have had previous professional work, so when other 'open' auditions come up especially the ones who do not advertise as paid work there will always be a collective of dancers who will fill in for such choreographers...leaving the viscious cirle still in flow.
Dance for me, like many other professionals is a job...yes we are very passionate, but we do have to earn a living also.
Dance for me, like many other professionals is a job...yes we are very passionate, but we do have to earn a living also.
You wouldnt expect a plumber, for instance, to complete a contract with no pay packet at the end...why should it be expected for performers within the arts??
The one thing that with review from my journal that I am understanding a little more, despite feeling in over my head, is that of improvisation within performance. I love to improvise with movement yet when it is in a certain performance I have felt vulnerable and out of my depth. This is something that one of the programmes I am currently on tour with holds for me. My solo 'Embers' is an 20 minute improvisation, with 3 set points of reference only...just music cresendos! It is based upon the image 'Falling man' captured from 9/11 tower attacks where a man is falling from one of the buildings. I have found the piece much more easier to relate to following extensive study, research and interaction with survivors of the attacks when we visited NYC, yet I think I would have struggled to refrain from choreographing sections to fall back upon of it wasnt for my fellow dancer within the tour, Tom Pritchard (Glasgow based improvisation technician). He has helped me face the confidence demon I so frequently mention!!
The quality of movement and emotion I develop and perform each show is deeper and of a higher standard than anything that can be pre-created as I am completly in the moment and in the monent of said attacks. I find it highly emotional, often coming to tears during the performance, forgetting anyone is around to see me in 'my world'. I thank Tom for introducing me to such ways of working and the learning that to let my guard down can often be the best thing in some cases.
The next challenge for me is improvisation with text within performance...Hopefully I could learn from actors and dramaters within this course!??
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