Critical reflection of module 2

Having finished module 1 with a great sense of achievement and development within my practice I look forward to facing 'QUESTIONS PROVOKED BY QUESTIONS ANSWERED BY QUESTIONS THAT LEAD TO FURTHER QUESTIONS!!!!!' (Dixon, H. 2013) Appendix 1 

Heading into module 2 saw me going from a position where I simply looked at myself as a sole transitioning practitioner, to exploring how the network and SIGs I am in and have developed can be the much needed support for one another. This notion is at the heart of not only my inquiry But of BAPP. Due to the nature of this task and the practitioner research within shows that reliance on others and the support you yourself offer in return is key. Personal struggles and a bereavement that arose in October lead to a deferral of module 2 to this term. Typically, for my luck, the lack of internet and computer troubles has lead me to hand write my blogs, and find other ways of interaction that doesnt rely on the blog. With this shift brought with it many a change in lines of inquiry. As the course relies heavily on time management, fellow students within the Special Interest Groups (SIG) (seen on facebook, whatsapp, meetings in person and via the blogs) dealt with the reciprocation well in order to give a helping hand. The 'sharing' is what the course is all about.

Principles of professional inquiry.

Reader 4 allowed us to understand certain theories that are integral to inquiry which helped us to begin to focus and streamline areas of interest. By creating SIG and developing our professional network (further from module 1 Appendix 2) we could engage with members of BAPP and allow our questions and ideas to develop intellectually. The tasks within this module prove useful and the comments/interactions highlight the importance of asking clear and concise questions without knowing what you want to find out. The open ended questioning has opened my eyes as to see what others think, what have they experienced? I had stepped back and realised that instead of trying to prove something I needed to discover something new that would aid my own professional development and transition. Appendix 3

Ethics

In every day professional life a certain level of ethics has to be considered, especially in my line of work. yet having read Reader 5 I became more aware of the code of conducts within my practice. This enhanced awareness has allowed me to explore the inquiry in a protected manner as to bring no harm to my participants is vital when conducting the investigation. rather than a set of rules, i look at ethics as moralistic guide to ones actions within the professional and public sense.

Tools

To understand which tools would work best for my I carried out piot tests then discussed the ideas within my SIG. I had decided to use questionnaires and interviews as they seemed the ideal methods available to discover personal experience and provide comparison s for the study.

I came to the conclusion that both qualitative and quantitative data lend themselves to this inquiry.

Conclusion

This module has allowed the room and the subjective look on ,my transition that is happening within my career, it began as a negative shift but as I am delving deeper and questioning constantly, I have seen a motivational boost within my application to not only the course but to my professional practice. i have (and still am continuing to) overcome certain tragic struggles in my personal life along with the challenges my career throws at me. I think the support network systems that are within BAPP and those that I am investigating are the success here.

From establishing my practice in module 1 and developing practitioner research in module 2 BAPP is helping me shape my own direction to which I am beyond excited...the most challenging task yet.

Reviews of tasks 4...question development

Before I publish the continuing findings within module two I thought best to recapp and touch base with my blog ensuring I keep my reflections up to date on here too.

I originally created a set of questions that were aimed at looking into how people are to make the initial move in to the career transition from performer to teacher, with certain reference to financial difficulties.( blog- Initial export of ideas and questions) I have since realised that as this could be a rather specific/restrictive look of the 'transitional professional' (and somewhat biased as it was what I am currently experiencing within my own practice) I have decided to broaden the investigation. I am to aim my surveys to not just individuals who are in the bracket of 'dancer/performer to teachers', but to 'dancer/performer to general career change'.
Also, after further thought, I would like to discover what possible support systems/organisations that are out there whos intention and purpose is to be at the dancers disposal for help with their change of career paths. I know that it is something that is worth looking into as there are lots issues (psychological, physical, educational and financial) that are invaluable areas needing supporting, thus paramount to ease the transitions.
Hopefully I can identify how some dancers may have already benefited from such organisations, and their experiences post transition. My aim is to accumulate information that I can cross refernece in the reults section of the inquiry and discover how these career transitions support companies help and focus their advice...and if at all if there is a gap in the market, where there are ways to offer improved services to the dancing community as a whole.

I think the questions I am to develop will look further in to

1. What main reason initiated the transition?
2. Was there time for pre transitional preparation.? (looking at the timeline/age of the dancer).
3. What was the length of time taken to become adjusted, whether it be pre-during-post transition
4. Is the individual aware of any support that is offered (either within employment or as an organisation not directly related to the company that can aid freelance workers too?)
5. Has the individual recieved support, on what level was this and in what area, from where?
6. What are their thoughts, could there be more available...is what is out there sufficient in their experience?
7. Maybe look into questionning the founders or advisors in such companies to take another perspective on their work and how they facilitate such bands of support.

As I am not too sure what is available I have taken into looking into this further. I have identified a few services online, yet I wish to discover more what is available in the UK

My original ideas have lead me to look into the support systems, so are still useful questions that I aim to develop with my new directions in mind.
I do hope that for some of you, this has sparked interest and i look forward to communicating along this train of thought in the SIGs.

Revisiting my past for a little more insight

Last night I found myself re-reading through an old diary from a period where I was going through a difficult time within the beginning of my professional career, in a hope to trigger memories and emotions that I went through. Here I found an entry, within week 6 of the professional graduate dance company 'Transitions Dance co', the title was DISASTER! I had suffered a torn aductor in a Horton based class, I was confused as I was unable to put weight on my left leg half way through class, but there was no pain... for about 15 mins at least! Adrenalyn was most definitely present, as it wasn't unitl I was sent directly to the physician that I had realised the possible extent of my injury. I don't want to sound dramatic, but whilst I was getting the diagnostic review, my career flashed before my eyes leaving me with fear and devestation as my mind jumped to so many conclusions.
I was in the most important stage of my career so far and the thought of having to sit out during the creation of the first piece we were to tour hit me hard like a train. I was lost and left with a huge amount of fear that my career could be on the way out before it actually hit anywhere near its peak! I lost all enthusiasm to even go to the studio as every minute I observed felt like a year that I was missing out on. The choreographer and the teachers at the time didn't have an awful lot of input or words of wisdom that I felt could be put to use...but then again, why in their view should they be bothered with one 'lame' dancer when they had 11 others to play with :-(
I found that keeping a diary in this time helped me address the grief of being physically held back. Looking back on it this was the only support I had (other than family of course). I tried hard to keep ideas and creativity flowing whilst carrying out my rehabilitaion fitness, trying tirelessly to keep my presence in the studio and creative process known in order to have some control on the future of my role in the performance. All I needed was a little acknowlegdement and maybe for the director to appreciate my tenasity towards the sad situation I found myself in. As this was not there Istruggled through, luckily it was only a recommended 6 week time out ( of which I could only bear 3 before graually imposing myself  back 'in' the space) but it did get me thinking of the future career and the potenial factors that can add up to termination/retiremant of performance and the inevitable 'real world and real jobs' where my identity would most definitely have to take on a different face.
The emotional impact having an injury has on a dancer, psychologically, is immense. That with the added fear of 'another career', finacial hardship, loss of identity, to name a few got me to thinking about support systems that could be available for dancers during the perfroming career and those who are reaching the end, leading to a directional transition.

I hope to discover possible support systems for dancers within the UK, and identify what they offer to company dancers and freelance dance artists. What organisations are out there that can help dancers come face to face with the transition they face, and give the helping hand/words to make the circumstantial move (or transition of choice) easier to bear?


...So within more of my scribbles in a later diary (funnily enough when this particular injury raised its ugly head once more) was a name of a journalist and article that I must have read. Not sure as to why I had noted it down I searched archives and the internet hoping that it would offer extra input in to my investigation. I came across it a few weeks ago.

''Dont give up the day job- how artists make a living''

As I am thinking of taking a different route in to my line of inquiry I guess it is not as directly linked anymore, yet it illustrates that 'financial-passion-professional development' balance is a major factor for most artists.

Fine words...

"Singers, Musicians, Dancers and Actors are some of the most driven, courageous people on the face of the earth. They deal with more day-to-day rejection in one year than most people do in a lifetime. Every day, they face the finacial challenge of living a freelance lifestyle, the disrespect of people who think they should get real jobs, and their own fear that they'll never work again. Every day, they have to ignore the possibility that the vision they have dedicated their lives to is a pipe dream. With every note, they stretch themselves, emotionally, physically, risking criticism and judgement. With every passing year, many of them watch as the other people their age achieve the predicatble milestonesof normal life- the car, the family, the house, the nest egg. Why? Because Actors, Dancers, Musicians and Singers are willing to give their entire lives to a moment- to that melody, to that lyric, to that chord, or that interpretation that will stir an audiences soul. Actors Dancers, Singers, Musicians are beings who have tasted life's nectar in that crystal moment when they poured out their creative spirit and touched another's heart. In that instance, they were as close to magic, God, and perfection as anyone could ever be. And in their own hearts, they know that to dedicate oneself to that moment is worth a thousand lifetimes."

-David Ackert, LA Times

Initial export of ideas and questions

Despite all intentions of uploading and creating blogs time has a habit on running away...especially when I set aside the spare few hours I have to study I realise the reading and literature research could be a full time job. I am finding some very interesting articles and exerpts of various lines of enquiry...yet these lead to other exciting ideas that I perhaps hadnt thouhgt about. If only I could investigate all. The having to narrow all down to one specific idea has been a tricky concept for me to follow, as I dont want the choice I make to be one that I wish I look in heinsight.

As I am enduring a transition within my career, from perfromer to teacher, I thought this would be a great way to keep the investigation to run parallel to my practice. Moving my career in a new direction is taking me out of my comfort zone so understandably not always finding myself in a poitive state of mind. With converations with Jo Clarke, Paula and fellow professionals within my networks, I am confronted with a wall of doubt where my initial inquiry thoughts are in question. They have given me an outside view of how they see me and my ideas that I am aiming to challenge, and all seem to agree that as there is negativity present within my actual 'transition' that I am experiencing. I should perhaps look at it from a different angle alleviating extra stresses on myself and my work. I mean one less stress I face (that is actually a result of my own choices) is surely a bonus, right!?
As I had set my mind to the transitioning dancer and finding the balance for myself I must admit I was shaken up buy this. ...Im sure in a good way in the long run.

Originally my ideas were to look into the transitioning dancer in...

• How the balance between necessary 'survival' jobs (ad-hoc and menial jobs just to pay the bills) and the work of our passion (performing, creating new work, enhancing my professional skills etc) can be achieved with the right ratio for 'you'. How are you juggleing each line of your practice with the 'other' work you do, without excluding any further chances to keep performing, for instance?
• Seeing cuts within the arts council, and the specific 'sharing' of funds between the larger companies how has the reduction of opportunities affected you and your practice?
• Do other professionals who are seeking contracts and new dance jobs find themselves teaching to keep a grasp on their practice, as it is easy to fall away due to financial difficulties.
• Have you also noticed a rise in unpaid work? How do these 'job' opportuites make you feel, as to some it can make a mockery of the profession, yet to some it shows that to dance you have to love it in any format that it may arise?
• Does the finacial restrictions lead to a flash of new companies being created by individuals? Does this interest you into achieving something similar, a way you can be certain you are still doing what you want to do within your practice?
• Is teaching classed as the next best thing for you in this time and place within your career transition? Is it a direct career choice or is it cirumstantial outcome, fall back plan? Can you 'share' your time between keeping up with your professional skills/abilities and development, whilst creating your teaching strand to your career?
• How are teachers that have come from a professional performing background percieved in an educational teaching role? Is it better to have the experience before the academic qualifications to make a better teacher, or the vice versa...are teachers with the relevant degrees (fr instance) before the experience make for a better teacher? Does being a great dancer mean you are a great teacher?
• Why are you undergoing a transition in your career? Could it be finances, injury, personal investigations and developments, or complete change in direction?

Looking at the above it seems these questions all relate somehwere to the shift in income and struggle of balance that dancers may face. As broad as the questions are and as it is what I am 'living' right now maybe I can afford to cut down the extra ideas (to avoid going off on a tangent, or trying to cover all of these areas, hence making for a sparse set of reasoning and findings) and find a different way in...
A more positive way!!!

I would be interested in seeing whta others think about these initiail ideas.

Question identification...

The 'back to school felling'! I feel that no matter your age, the back to school slog can always become more of an obstacle then you ever thought.
The blogging has been my nemesis for some time, the compatibility with 'it' and myself has yet to happen. The performance aspect of this course I guess is the publishing of the material I am working on, as opposed to the work I am producing to the note books (is this part the rehearsals?) .The longer things are left for further thought, the bigger the build up of anxiety and pressure associates to the challenge...this is where I am ashamed to say I am...once again. Thanks to Paula and our recent phonecall I have had the chance to narrow down my thoughts and ideas in to a more managable bite size format.

Attempting to identify the path and direction my inquiry is to head down has opened an enormous vat full of interesting questions that are in my head. Some are leading questions that lie within my day to day practice, some are what will further shape me personal development path, some are what could be explored within my inquiry to develop my understanding of professional practice. Now, how to identify which category they belong in?

I know that in my current practice I am undergoing a transition from performing to teaching. Within this area I am constantly coming across questions and possibilities that I need to understand...are these the questions I want to use for the inquiry or is there a way of leaving these for the inevitable daily exploration?
The two paths; uni inquiry and the career perormance/teaching transition, run parallel to one another with a great deal of overlap (which seems obvious as this is where my life is at the moment, both professional and educationally). I think what I am trying to say is that there will be some questions that with time will come to a natural conclusion or that I will answer for my self, supporting the study for BAPP. Yet there are some of which I wish to take solely as an investigation, that possibly require some in depth further understanding...where the outcome is unknown to me. Exciting and nerve racking at the same time.

The way I think I will tackle this is to look at the performing/teacher part of 'me' as an observation of 'someone'...what is this person actively doing? how is she doing this? what is it she is doing? is she doing this due to her choices or as a result of circumstance?
The separation between the doing and the thinking should help to give clarity from the external, objective approach to me!!

I will set a separate blog for the questions that I have up to today and hope that with further discussions with Paula and others in the course and within my SIG (once fully established) I can successfully accept and refuse the ones that are appropriate for attention with in the inquiry.

I would be interested in hearing if anyone else has come across a problem like me. Is your inquiry really closely linked to your daily work...or have you chosen a completely different path (however still related to your field) to investigate? Is working on an idea for the inquiry, that is being 'lived' in the moment a good or bad choice...with respects to dividing the bias of what we want to hear and achieve? Are you able to separate the questions you wish to persue to the ones that you know you will face, without them being tainted?

Looking at this, maybe I am thinking too much about instead of trial and error?
QUESTIONS PROVOKED BY QUESTIONS ANSWERED BY QUESTIONS THAT LEAD TO FURTHER QUESTIONS!!!!!

3b theories relating to networks

Before my investigation in to networks, I really could not imagine that there are so many theories and arguments on the subject. Networking has many more levels to what I initially expected; maybe I am not networking with full potential in that case??

“Equivalent retaliation”, or “tit for tat” (Axelrod 1984) where a subject using this strategy will initially cooperate, then respond to an opponent's previous action. If the opponent previously was cooperative, the subject t is cooperative. If not, the subject will not.

“This strategy is dependent on four conditions, which have allowed it to become the most successful strategy for the iterated prisoner's dilemma:

1. Unless provoked, the agent will always cooperate
2. If provoked, the agent will retaliate
3. The agent is quick to forgive
4. The agent must have a good chance of competing against the opponent more than once.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tit_for_tat )

This game theory, in relation to cooperation I feel that I am naturally too trusting in some cases. I don’t like the thought of doing something to aid someone else with the direct initiation being…what will they do for me??

Hofstadter has a concept of super-rationality of which I think I fall into preference of  doing…having both parties interest at heart, carefully vetting future parties to work with, trusting the other to grow without the ‘one eye on the other’ scenario going on.

I am aware in my industry due to the high levels of competition and raging confidence levels (all be it not from me all of the time) people are out for themselves and with self -expansion at the heart of all actions. I have seen this too many times where I have helped others with work; yet getting one favour in return has been like bleeding a stone with the external party avoiding reciprocation. Being in the dance industry maybe as the competition is so fierce this doesn’t always happen like ‘tit for tat’. I’m not too sure if, friend or not, we could recommend a person for potential work, based on our judgement…could this discredit me? Is that selfish or also helping the person avoid disappointment and rejection whilst saving my own reputation if you like?

Like I have mentioned before, to give is to receive. With the blogs, I am aware that perhaps, due to my lack of cooperation to others I do not receive as much interaction. People will be more willing to interact if we gain the trust, build the conversation and reciprocate a good doing (commenting) yet this doesn’t always happen.

As long as you are aware of this, as I am now, this can be ok….maybe to some extent I have to become a little more ruthless too, in order to survive in this world?

I can take this on board and take in to consideration sometimes as often things can become easier in a group; two heads are better than one as the saying goes!

Affiliation is a rather interesting concept…some people work well with a compact network with smaller numbers, whilst others like to know all and everyone to have a sense of success. It does show that different people require the different levels of the association to feel successful.

I think on a social level the benefits of a healthy support network is huge…it is in the nature of people to have this hunger for ‘membership’ (a need to be wanted with a desire to ‘need’) I’m not too sure that affiliation on such a large scale is necessarily important in the professional networking.

Quality or quantity? Some individuals have an instinctive ‘need’ to be one of many…to have strength in numbers. Does this mean they get more out their networks than that of a small group? Maybe the larger the network relates back to the ‘spreading yourself too thinly’ to extract the best from the contacts? Where to them, the numbers/mass of relationships is more important than the strength of relationships?

I like the way within reader three that networks grow sideways and upwards. Sideways for me in experience offer the support and teaching of new elements of the practice (of which I share also with others) from the ‘above’ we take jobs and opportunities and inspiration. The latter is probably in many cases a relationship through convenience.) I feel that the sideways connections are a stronger bonded relationship where perhaps the ‘above’ are surface relationships with a little less genuineness behind actions. Is there a certain level or demand from upward connections, to sell yourself, somewhat unnaturally to an extent to increase the chances of a step up in the career levels? Do we have to ‘pretend’ and give extra air of confidence and play on the person they are seeking? A possible unstable internal place to be.  I don’t think I’m a good player of such games. But then I am comfortable with my secure connections…maybe I need to become trusting a little more in order to branch out and try this way,  I can really see if quality or quantity is best. Also identify if there are genuine out there who will be ‘’a network of support that will help us when we are in need” (crisp and turner 2007 pp266 found in reader)

I do admire those who strive for the numbers… it looks good for them, a boost when they see the amount of professional they may have as friends on Facebook!!?? I’m not too sure how many would actually be secure enough to fall on for such career advancements without the want/gain in return.

I n dance, again I think the human perceptions and personality traits help to guide us to trust. When you are working on tour day in day out/ living with the people you become understanding of those who can be in you more social and close structure of support and those who you would probably not connect with (either through clash in personality and ideals or lines of enquiry in the field/ nothing in common, etc.) you can adapt your presence and being to suit the person and situation….it is a method of survival. It is important to have a strong woven section of the network that you call upon in these desperate times (i.e. for the ‘down time’ you have being away from our personal networks)

Social constructionism.                  We do not create meaning…we construct meaning.

This section took a little to get to grips with yet I’m sure I can relate it to the thought that to notice you have an experience in order to turn the situation in to knowledge through reflection. (?)

The objective subjective view of Humphrey 1993, states that things were here and existed before we were around and able to learn; so therefore we did not create we constructed knowledge around such things. Constructionism brings the objective (things in existence) and subjectivism (our understanding of the ‘things in existence) together.

With reference to reflection (as the course is opening me to think of everything deeper and more than once) I think to reflect and create your own view or opinion is constructionism, where you see the idea with personal experience in mind. I am now curious…before when I have judged a sit where the trust seems false, maybe resulting in a lowering of self-integrity in order to cooperate, this is ‘me’ influencing my observations with the negativity that I have had from a past experience in such field of connectivity. I think what if? what if I look at this type of network or relationship as being positive will it make me more inclined to develop and continue to expand network(play the game) , even if I do not believe faithful intentions are at heart. Will I progress further, is that a major fault I have been carrying around…il try again?

Connectives

Achieving knowledge and connections have advanced with technology. i.e. web 2.0 and the internet, this has advanced the search through books. It is so accessible now, as the search engines provide the short cut for convenience. But even with the best knowledge close to hand, it takes the looking and applying it for it to become of use to the person.

I do think this is great (even as a technophobe) as many a time I have had little time but still successfully been informed by searching the web…but I’m still a fighter for personal/one to one interaction, where knowledge can be shared with the added bonus of person experience/empathy and sense of support thrown in for a richer over view. These connections in our networks (if used in such way) prove to be an extensive source where you can get ‘what you want’ from them. Not just a beginning point from where you beg borrow steal info to excel your career, it can be a more subtle connection/ yet more stable place to be within the web of relationships.

Communities of practice: Being at ease and somehow unaware that I am actual networking, (possibly as I’m not doing the interaction for a direct gain/aim) I find is a great way to expand my knowledge and learn. Being in a ‘community’ of fellow practitioners who share the same ideals or passion, and vision, where strong bonds are made, giving you a sense of belonging and working on the same vibe as others. I didn’t realise it but I have picked up many contacts from low key affairs, like just having a coffee after a dance class with others there. It is a nice way to extend conversations and impart thoughts and no matter where you see yourself in the hierarchy y you ( I) can always feel I bring something to the time we spend. (In BAPP we often chat for hour or so after sessions, sharing experience and new found influences etc.)  This gives me confidence in my work my lines of enquiry and overall what ‘we’ are doing in our practice.

I am happy to understand that I don’t have to disregard the more casual/ social ways of networking and I don’t not have to convince myself anymore that I was networking, when ‘just’ going for a coffee and a chat. ‘Every little helps’, and is definitely with me. I know I may have a smaller connection with hierarchy but that will develop with practicing the ways of networking and opening up to letting go of past negativity and trust issues I have had as ‘baggage’. The quality at the moment is working better than I can see quantity of relationships doing so. I will see if I can expand the number of relationships further yet with keeping in the quality there!