Journal writing has come to me in latter part of my life, in my more professional age. I wasn't one of those girls who completed 'dear diary' entries as a child, I didn't see much point; saying that I did give it a go but must admit I only really wanted to say I owned one of those diaries with a mini pad lock attatched!!
Since beginning my training to be a professional dancer, I have found it interesting to keep a journal (although it was there for me to add input as and when I felt, not necessarily as a daily exercise) This is not to be confused with my creative ideas book that I probably add to daily....that is a very extensive piece of work that I think all artists carry to jot down all inspirations, large or small. although i do imagine there to be a small cross over. The journal for me is a platform where I can log my journey's, my experiences and places I have travelled to, but also a place where I can discover my own thoughts, splash out any anxieties (the hurdles I face)... a place where I can privately rant and rave, liberating the much valued head space of which these pressures are commandeering!
My journal is created by a free flow method of writing I guess, I find putting pen to paper is a more personal, expressive and creative means rather than tapping at a computer keyboard (I know by reading my past blogs some of you will feel it is because of my 'phobia' of most modern technology, ha! maybe this is my excuse then?!) I have no desired outcome or particular product I wish to achieve; other than to express, show evidence of what I have witnessed and what I have taken part in, and where I have visited 'in my career world' ....just in case the elderly Hayley Dixon does not quite believe it as being true :)
Following the academic writing class with Peter Thomas, I have realised that free writing is exactly what I do. I write and write, often without consciously adding punctuation etc. I just expel certain thoughts and ideas along with a whole lot of nonesense or unproductive chatter. Sometimes I will have a little look back and see that there are indeed some 'golden nuggets' of quality or revelations about my practice that were once perhaps hidden in my black hole of my mind.
I do hope that this can develop further as I learn to reflect and revisit my journals more. It is a rare thing for me to do, 'revisit'. To some extent I think that I haven’t looked back on past journal entries as the 'positive' half of me preserved 'Hayley' as a whole, from reliving and facing some demons and areas of my mind that I scribbled down only as a form of release. (Like a self-administered therapy) To me these were expelled from my head… 'I lived it - I freed it from my mind - I moved on'.
I suppose you could say that when I am in a vulnerable place my survival mechanics kick in. This sounds rather intense, but as a person I am quite hard on myself and deep down have had self-confidence issues (of which I can mask very easily to others), my journal when it comes to emotions seems to lay bare the difficulties, fears and stresses I face… maybe to some extent I have used it as a trash can, as so to speak. I am sure there are lots of positives in there too; I just need to find courage in looking back, confronting and deciphering the emotions. After all reflection is seeing the journey or route from the: then 'A' to the now 'B'.
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Monday, 12 March 2012
A journal extract. ''Self analysis: it is just finding the balance of the 'devil' vs 'angel' ''
I am sure many of you are wondering where my video clip for task 1c is?? It is a difficult situation at the minute as it was recorded on a friends flip camera (one where the usb attatchment folds in and out for 'easy uploads'! this definitely appealed to me with my fear of technology!! ) well unfortunatley the easy upload has back fired as the usb connector does not work... This is a typical Hayley situation!!
I am in the process of getting the video clips transferred to a memory card, so watch this space!
Looking through a journal entry after creating said video, I had scribbled down some thoughts and flashbacks to a more vulnerable place in my life....the time I was a dance student!! I thought I would share a little of this as I hope that in months to come I will have overcome some deamons that are layed out bare here...
''After many story boards and ideas sheets, miutes upon minutes of practiced and unsued movement material I had created soley for this purpose, I decided to go back to basics. My creative side was becoming my road block (you do not realise how strange that was to say especially with being a professional in the dance/creative world, where the saying is usually complete opposite!) Having too many ideas for such a simple and small clip seemed to stress me out a little. As I mentioned in the first campus session, I am too much of a perfectionist. (hence my draft after draft problem I have!) I do think however, being in the performance field and being a constantly 'viewed' dance artist, self reflection and self critcal analysis is inevitable and is something that we all do. Some more than others indeed, but how much can be too much?
Speaking from past experience and self judgemnt, I know that sometimes this added pressure I give myself, other to that that is already present through the eyes and minds of the exterior/ the viewer, has sometimes put me back a few paces. I was definitely a 'victim' of this self abuse for want of a better phrase. I do remember a dance teacher (who at the time was my idol...which made this worse...) being more than mean to me when I felt I was actually at the top of the class in the particular technique; as a result of months and months of attacking and challenging myself, my body image and my dance ability. I think the extra negativity and critcism I received from said lecturer was initially there as a tactic to recieve that extra ounce of energy/quality/competition from me, but due to the extent of this external added pressure it just left me feeling a further attacked and this dented my confidence immensely. Especially as I am already a bully to myself. After reviewing the situation, and having been in a teachers position myself since, I do understand the intention, and that it wasnt a bullying technique afterall, just a method of teaching in order to propell the student further. However I do realise that you have to carefully assesss the situation and not treat each particular person the same. To expose the vulnerablity of a person who is more self critical than necessarily needed at that moment in time, could be more detremental in the long run.
In my craft and especially the company I am with, I am very confident in what I do and the sucess I have and am achieving here, yet deep down I still have the little devil that is the severe self anaylst that lies within. That is part of my drive and motivation I guess. I have nurtured this devil to work in my favour in dance, so I can see how actually this is now an angel. When the I know how to work with the crtical devil I can definitely use to my advantage in new and often uncomfortable siuations. Here is hoping the balance can be transferred as easy as it is to say can be!
The professional world I am in and the position at which I am in at the moment is definitely my 'home' and is the place where I feel I can be true to myself. There are examples of where I am thrown out of my comfort zone, like here in this course, where I will be faced with the challenge to keep the confidence and self belief on track, until it becomes second nature to me.
I must remember too much procrastinating and self doubt will be my fall. The sky is the limit afterall, any weight that pulls me back needs to be shed! :) ''
I am in the process of getting the video clips transferred to a memory card, so watch this space!
Looking through a journal entry after creating said video, I had scribbled down some thoughts and flashbacks to a more vulnerable place in my life....the time I was a dance student!! I thought I would share a little of this as I hope that in months to come I will have overcome some deamons that are layed out bare here...
''After many story boards and ideas sheets, miutes upon minutes of practiced and unsued movement material I had created soley for this purpose, I decided to go back to basics. My creative side was becoming my road block (you do not realise how strange that was to say especially with being a professional in the dance/creative world, where the saying is usually complete opposite!) Having too many ideas for such a simple and small clip seemed to stress me out a little. As I mentioned in the first campus session, I am too much of a perfectionist. (hence my draft after draft problem I have!) I do think however, being in the performance field and being a constantly 'viewed' dance artist, self reflection and self critcal analysis is inevitable and is something that we all do. Some more than others indeed, but how much can be too much?
Speaking from past experience and self judgemnt, I know that sometimes this added pressure I give myself, other to that that is already present through the eyes and minds of the exterior/ the viewer, has sometimes put me back a few paces. I was definitely a 'victim' of this self abuse for want of a better phrase. I do remember a dance teacher (who at the time was my idol...which made this worse...) being more than mean to me when I felt I was actually at the top of the class in the particular technique; as a result of months and months of attacking and challenging myself, my body image and my dance ability. I think the extra negativity and critcism I received from said lecturer was initially there as a tactic to recieve that extra ounce of energy/quality/competition from me, but due to the extent of this external added pressure it just left me feeling a further attacked and this dented my confidence immensely. Especially as I am already a bully to myself. After reviewing the situation, and having been in a teachers position myself since, I do understand the intention, and that it wasnt a bullying technique afterall, just a method of teaching in order to propell the student further. However I do realise that you have to carefully assesss the situation and not treat each particular person the same. To expose the vulnerablity of a person who is more self critical than necessarily needed at that moment in time, could be more detremental in the long run.
In my craft and especially the company I am with, I am very confident in what I do and the sucess I have and am achieving here, yet deep down I still have the little devil that is the severe self anaylst that lies within. That is part of my drive and motivation I guess. I have nurtured this devil to work in my favour in dance, so I can see how actually this is now an angel. When the I know how to work with the crtical devil I can definitely use to my advantage in new and often uncomfortable siuations. Here is hoping the balance can be transferred as easy as it is to say can be!
The professional world I am in and the position at which I am in at the moment is definitely my 'home' and is the place where I feel I can be true to myself. There are examples of where I am thrown out of my comfort zone, like here in this course, where I will be faced with the challenge to keep the confidence and self belief on track, until it becomes second nature to me.
I must remember too much procrastinating and self doubt will be my fall. The sky is the limit afterall, any weight that pulls me back needs to be shed! :) ''
iPhone upload. My first!!!!
Being fairly new to the technology of apple, I am hoping this app is going to be the saviour I have been in search for. Being on the move a lot I have little time to check out my blog page and even worse comment on others. I know this is a great help as discussions, information and confidence can be shared by the interaction with fellow bappers and fellow artists.
Does anybody know if there is a way to view other blogs on this app, or at least leave comments? If not at least I have achieved a mobile upload! Yey!
Does anybody know if there is a way to view other blogs on this app, or at least leave comments? If not at least I have achieved a mobile upload! Yey!
Saturday, 25 February 2012
Professional communication technologies...1b
After the first campus session I attended for BAPP, I read and noted down some thoughts about reader 1 and web 2.0...
Upon first learning of the term 'Web 2.0', I had a blank with no idea what it was. Yet looking at the reader 1 I realised how the majority of us use this range of technology discussed in our everyday life, making me acknowledge the importance and power the platforms have in aiding both professional and social circumstances.
I am rather afraid to admit that the only tools I seem to be literate and savvy with are social sites such as Facebook, Youtube and search engines like Google for instance. The networking sites both initially started out for me as social methods of communication and expression, these have developed overtime into a core element of my professional networks. The reader lead me to thinking how I use and integrate the Web 2.0 platforms to aid my life as a dancer and how the development of further skills and knowledge a wider variety of such tools will propell my practice and career ( as the title of the reader is 'Professional communications technologies' not social communications).
Currently I rely on Facebook to communicate and stay in touch with friends and fellow dance professionals and companies. The architecture of said site allows the user to tailor the groups, pages, profiles etc to their specific needs; be it audition information, the advertising of new works, discussions of specific techniques and learnings, and creative ideas, to name a few. As the active audience lays 'in excess of 400 million', 'each average user having 130 friends', and the said average user 'being connected to 60 groups' (source http://facebook.com/press/info.php?statistics found in the Bapp reader 1) it makes for a very convenient and financially accessible means to communicate and collate material.
The other public forums I mentioned offer unlimited resources to learning varieties of new skills and a further accessibility to typically unknown areas, as Gruber (2007) mentions when speaking of such search engines offering ''a message in a public forum in which someone has asked question similar to one's query'', a site otherwise difficult to find without knowing of its existance, proves to aid personal enquiry.
The wide spread benefits of Web 2.0 platforms can be further proven by the long distance learning courses such as BAPP that we are undertaking, as they would not function or be able to support a students learning without such formats and technology.
With having touched lightly on positive impacts and traits the web 2.0 tools have, along with must come negatives. Some of these negatives can be in the social communications bracket where by becoming so used to interaction through sites such as facebook, the human social skills and characteristics are being effected, tainted and sometimes lost, for example eye contact and the understanding a tone of voice. Also many people aswell as myself use these social networking sites for professional contacts as well as social, but this can be difficult to seperate the two if only one profile is used. A possible employer may not take too kindly to seeing the 'real you' on your social site, causing a detrimental effect to your career opportunity.
Despite this, there is an ever growing demand for a new ground breaking technology to satisfy the publics 'need' to interact . I began to wonder is it in actual fact the exisitance of technologies in web 2.0 that made our society interact differently or was it our evolving style in human communication that urged the technology developments in web 2.0? Is it a conitnuing development where the two are in tandem or is one a driving force to make this change?
Upon first learning of the term 'Web 2.0', I had a blank with no idea what it was. Yet looking at the reader 1 I realised how the majority of us use this range of technology discussed in our everyday life, making me acknowledge the importance and power the platforms have in aiding both professional and social circumstances.
I am rather afraid to admit that the only tools I seem to be literate and savvy with are social sites such as Facebook, Youtube and search engines like Google for instance. The networking sites both initially started out for me as social methods of communication and expression, these have developed overtime into a core element of my professional networks. The reader lead me to thinking how I use and integrate the Web 2.0 platforms to aid my life as a dancer and how the development of further skills and knowledge a wider variety of such tools will propell my practice and career ( as the title of the reader is 'Professional communications technologies' not social communications).
Currently I rely on Facebook to communicate and stay in touch with friends and fellow dance professionals and companies. The architecture of said site allows the user to tailor the groups, pages, profiles etc to their specific needs; be it audition information, the advertising of new works, discussions of specific techniques and learnings, and creative ideas, to name a few. As the active audience lays 'in excess of 400 million', 'each average user having 130 friends', and the said average user 'being connected to 60 groups' (source http://facebook.com/press/info.php?statistics found in the Bapp reader 1) it makes for a very convenient and financially accessible means to communicate and collate material.
The other public forums I mentioned offer unlimited resources to learning varieties of new skills and a further accessibility to typically unknown areas, as Gruber (2007) mentions when speaking of such search engines offering ''a message in a public forum in which someone has asked question similar to one's query'', a site otherwise difficult to find without knowing of its existance, proves to aid personal enquiry.
The wide spread benefits of Web 2.0 platforms can be further proven by the long distance learning courses such as BAPP that we are undertaking, as they would not function or be able to support a students learning without such formats and technology.
With having touched lightly on positive impacts and traits the web 2.0 tools have, along with must come negatives. Some of these negatives can be in the social communications bracket where by becoming so used to interaction through sites such as facebook, the human social skills and characteristics are being effected, tainted and sometimes lost, for example eye contact and the understanding a tone of voice. Also many people aswell as myself use these social networking sites for professional contacts as well as social, but this can be difficult to seperate the two if only one profile is used. A possible employer may not take too kindly to seeing the 'real you' on your social site, causing a detrimental effect to your career opportunity.
Despite this, there is an ever growing demand for a new ground breaking technology to satisfy the publics 'need' to interact . I began to wonder is it in actual fact the exisitance of technologies in web 2.0 that made our society interact differently or was it our evolving style in human communication that urged the technology developments in web 2.0? Is it a conitnuing development where the two are in tandem or is one a driving force to make this change?
Finding the right balance for me
Over the last few months I have had a difficult time in finding a mutual balance between my work and the time to study. As like many others I have met on BAPP, balancing my full time performing and extra teaching career with the 'spare time' to actively put my mind to the elements of this course, has been frustrating to say the least. I must admit when I discovered BAPP and found it was classed as a part time course I expected the work load to be managable and easy to juggle with my professional work, yet in reality I admit that I have indeed struggled. With my weak knowledge and experience with some web 2.0 platforms, blogging has and still is a very new task for me to become fluent in. Facebook for instance is the opposite. This slight 'addicition' I have with checking facebook and updating my profile, is something I hope to transfer across to other technologies as this will no doubt improve my development in these areas. The first being my blog site. T o my excitement, I have found that there is a app for the iphone, where I can upload and edit my posts. This new, close to hand option may be a break through for me (I do expect this to be old news for many, but I am proud with my find, haha! Keep an eye out for my first 'on the go' post!)
I have however, been writing entries to a journal when being away on tour, (I seem to have a better connection with putting pen to paper) so I guess at least I have some material to reflect upon.
When reading Nina's post, titled 'Quantity or quality' it got me to thinking about myself and my balance. I too had queried the best option for the blogs... Is it better to either post little and often or less frequent but with ground breaking content? I have decided that I am going to use mod 1 as an experiement to find this happy medium and figure out what is the best way for me and my practice.
How are you finding the balance so far?
I have however, been writing entries to a journal when being away on tour, (I seem to have a better connection with putting pen to paper) so I guess at least I have some material to reflect upon.
When reading Nina's post, titled 'Quantity or quality' it got me to thinking about myself and my balance. I too had queried the best option for the blogs... Is it better to either post little and often or less frequent but with ground breaking content? I have decided that I am going to use mod 1 as an experiement to find this happy medium and figure out what is the best way for me and my practice.
How are you finding the balance so far?
Friday, 7 October 2011
CV ... my anxiety
Being within the security of a dance company, I have to admit I have not looked closely at my CV in the last few years...only to add the occasional new performance to it (which as you can see is still nearly a year out of date! shame on me). If I had the opportunity arise to look for more work you can tell I would be in a state of bind panic to upload and change my CV ready for the audition .... a very illogical way of working, this is why I think its time to rework it for the better.
I would really like to hear your thoughts on the lay out and the content as to what I should keep/cut to make it a more professional representation of me and my craft.
I am very aware of the poor standard...and now, with a reluctant effort, I post my CV (Here it goes :-/ )
Hayley CV
I would really like to hear your thoughts on the lay out and the content as to what I should keep/cut to make it a more professional representation of me and my craft.
I am very aware of the poor standard...and now, with a reluctant effort, I post my CV (Here it goes :-/ )
Hayley CV
Thursday, 6 October 2011
The burning question....''what is contemporary dance?''
This question is like a hurdle many dancers have to clear in their career. I mean I have found it difficult to answer, its a simple question yet holds infinite and unknown depths to the answer which will always change with the time and place.
I was faced with this question on the induction day where I fumbled my way through a very basic and incoherant answer ( i must have gone to panic mode) no doubt leaving many still curious as to what it is I 'do'. I apologise for that, and to help clarify I thought I may as well have a little blog with some information and thoughts on contemporary dance.
I like many other dancers struggle to define this dance genre in a efficient and comprehensible approach with an adequate and substantial representation, leaving the listener 'full' as so to speak, hopefully steering them away from the obvious statement..''so you pretend to be a tree?!'' You will be suprised how often this can be said. In a way this is good as the listener is able to form their own ideas, but the dance style goes so much further than just the interpretive dance idea of a 'tree'. Contemporary dance I feel is boundaryless, so if anything goes, then one day it may be the right thing to do.... to be a tree! :-)
The techniques of contemporary dance can stress versatility and explore improvisation, unlike the more strict and structured nature of ballet (the style of dance of which contemporary dance was formed after its rebellion against such forms, with thanks to pioneers of the early 1900's, Martha Graham, Ruth St Denis, Rudolp von Laban to name only a few). The hallmark on the style is an awareness of the limitations of form, like ballet, and the option to fly free of these.
Unlike its original predecessor, this being ballet, contemporary dance techniques employ the use of gravity in movement which can be seen in the amount of floorwork, release and fall/recovery (Graham and Limon techchniques for example), joined with strength, improvisation, partnering and lifts.
Within contemporary you can still see the influences of ballet, yet it also draws influences from theatrical perfromance and perhaps a cross over in perfromance art.
As a student we were always told not to ''close in on an idea of contemporary dance as there are countless ways to define it, all individual to the person and the time in which it is encountered''. This got me thinking about the mind and body connection where the dancer and choreographer can encourage ones exploration of emotions and own experiences that can be touched upon in one specific movement or as a dance piece as a whole.
Following my babbling attempt of an answer on induction day I arranged a discussion with some fellow company members to see how they each percieve contemporary dance. It was interesting to see that there was an underlying theme used, ''movement for time and place'', and also, ''the inner being connected to the physical being, whether it be a concious thing or not''.
I found that each description vaired tremendously depending on each dancers current line of work; for instance one, who is very interested in exploing improvisation in perfromance spoke about the mind, (our invisible body) being open to influences that can be encountered or are expressed by the physical body. This in contrast to another, who described contemporary as architecture in space and time, where she uses a 'chance' method to determine the outcome of performance....leaving no space for emotive reasoning for the direction. the representation is simply the here and now.
Still, without viewing certain styles, companies and choreographers within the world of contemporary, even the above description will come across a little vague to a non dancer. Yet I feel it is a little more intelligable and consistent than my first 30 second attempt, ha! I hope this may have helped??
How do you percieve this genre? I would be interested in hearing some other ideas and thoughts.
I was faced with this question on the induction day where I fumbled my way through a very basic and incoherant answer ( i must have gone to panic mode) no doubt leaving many still curious as to what it is I 'do'. I apologise for that, and to help clarify I thought I may as well have a little blog with some information and thoughts on contemporary dance.
I like many other dancers struggle to define this dance genre in a efficient and comprehensible approach with an adequate and substantial representation, leaving the listener 'full' as so to speak, hopefully steering them away from the obvious statement..''so you pretend to be a tree?!'' You will be suprised how often this can be said. In a way this is good as the listener is able to form their own ideas, but the dance style goes so much further than just the interpretive dance idea of a 'tree'. Contemporary dance I feel is boundaryless, so if anything goes, then one day it may be the right thing to do.... to be a tree! :-)
The techniques of contemporary dance can stress versatility and explore improvisation, unlike the more strict and structured nature of ballet (the style of dance of which contemporary dance was formed after its rebellion against such forms, with thanks to pioneers of the early 1900's, Martha Graham, Ruth St Denis, Rudolp von Laban to name only a few). The hallmark on the style is an awareness of the limitations of form, like ballet, and the option to fly free of these.
Unlike its original predecessor, this being ballet, contemporary dance techniques employ the use of gravity in movement which can be seen in the amount of floorwork, release and fall/recovery (Graham and Limon techchniques for example), joined with strength, improvisation, partnering and lifts.
Within contemporary you can still see the influences of ballet, yet it also draws influences from theatrical perfromance and perhaps a cross over in perfromance art.
As a student we were always told not to ''close in on an idea of contemporary dance as there are countless ways to define it, all individual to the person and the time in which it is encountered''. This got me thinking about the mind and body connection where the dancer and choreographer can encourage ones exploration of emotions and own experiences that can be touched upon in one specific movement or as a dance piece as a whole.
Following my babbling attempt of an answer on induction day I arranged a discussion with some fellow company members to see how they each percieve contemporary dance. It was interesting to see that there was an underlying theme used, ''movement for time and place'', and also, ''the inner being connected to the physical being, whether it be a concious thing or not''.
I found that each description vaired tremendously depending on each dancers current line of work; for instance one, who is very interested in exploing improvisation in perfromance spoke about the mind, (our invisible body) being open to influences that can be encountered or are expressed by the physical body. This in contrast to another, who described contemporary as architecture in space and time, where she uses a 'chance' method to determine the outcome of performance....leaving no space for emotive reasoning for the direction. the representation is simply the here and now.
Still, without viewing certain styles, companies and choreographers within the world of contemporary, even the above description will come across a little vague to a non dancer. Yet I feel it is a little more intelligable and consistent than my first 30 second attempt, ha! I hope this may have helped??
How do you percieve this genre? I would be interested in hearing some other ideas and thoughts.
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